Praying to the Non-Porcelain God for Relief!

This is probably TMI. But I've been contemplating it lately. I think increasing bathroom breaks during the night is directly proportional to aging. I longingly remember the days when I could sleep through the night without bathroom breaks. Then, shortly after college, came the new policy of a once-a-night pit stop. It's been a pretty standard policy for over 5 years now. (Except the nights when I get the pees, but that's a whole different topic and entry.)

It started in San Francisco a few weeks ago. I started to get up twice a night to pee. Twice! Now it isn't just at 3 or 4a, now it's at 2a and again at 5:30a. Do you have any idea how much it sucks? It is so painful to have to get out of bed, twice, to stumble to the bathroom and have the pool lights flood the room and give me an instant headache. If I've had any semblance of a bad dream, I have to worry about who's hiding behind the shower curtain and whether or not I have time to wash my hands and flush before running from the knife-wielding bad guy, and that's just too much thought process, twice, in a single night. And if I try to put it off until it's time to get up, I start having the dreams full of toilets. You know what I'm talking about.

There are only two options. 1. Bladder control decreases with age and by the time I'm 40 I'll be sleeping in the bathroom. 2. My body's trying to get me ready for a baby waking me up. Well, my answer to #2 is the reason I'm waiting for babies is so that Jon will be around to handle the midnight wake up calls. So come on, let me off the hook!

I suppose there could be a 3rd option. I have been stepping up my workouts since I've been home and thus drinking ridiculous amounts of water. But then, I guess my only fix is to workout less. And if Chip's required to lose some weight, I can't see letting myself off the hook.

Damn aging! My next book will be The Picture of Dorian Gray.